I have an ex-boyfriend who while we were dating I grew to dislike quite a bit. Not because he was a bad guy, or because his flaws were any worse than anyone else's. No my dissatisfaction in regards to him was purely based on the fact that we were most poorly matched. So poorly that it is matter of much speculation among my friends as to why we were together in the first place. Differences at the most fundamental level.
First off he could not understand why my best friends were so important to me. He was ridiculously jealous of the way I interacted with them, and the fact that in most circumstances I would drop what I was doing to talk to, text, or hang out with them.
But the thing about this awful match is that it really helped me to figure out what it is that I do want in a man. And to his credit I will give him this, he understood that we were poorly suited for each other, but he didn't understand why or have the ability to articulate it.
He also had this notion that lovers should be best friends, but he didn't understand that there was and should be a difference between my best friend who I love like family and my best friend who I was in love with. In all honesty though, I didn't fully have a grasp on how that could be either, or what exactly it meant to have a lover be a best friend.
It wasn't until well after we broke up that and version of this could be possible.
I'm not going to go into how or who made this realization possible, but ill try to explain the best I can what exactly it means to me. And these are not ranked in any order, just listed in the order that I'm able to organize my thoughts well enough to get it out.
1) the person you are in-love with should be the person that when you get good news, or something exciting is happening, it's doesn't 100% feel real to you until you've told them about it.
2) they should be the person who knows you as close to as well as you do, and if they don't, you and they want to, and try to every day.
3) the level of comfort you feel with them is as close to how comfortable you feel when you are alone as possible, this means that when you are excited or sad, happy, angry, hungry, tired, hyper, silly, or just plan meh, you act and react to things the same way no matter if they are there or not.
4) in some degree even if it's just telling them that you are doing it with out them, you want to include them in what you are doing,
5) you don't want to keep secrets from them, nothing is too embarrassing or shameful to withhold from them, and this DOES NOT mean that you don't deserve privacy, it just means that the important things in life, you want to include the in and be as honest as possible with them
6) spending time with them is enjoyable, that simple, you have enough love and respect for them that you want to be with them, activity is not an issue, and you understand and respect them enough to either tolerate or respectfully decline when they want to do something you don't want to and vice versa, but you're never a dick about it.
7) you want to communicate with them.
8) they just make your day better, a smile, a text, a hug, a kiss, a note, the simplest interaction makes it a good day.
9) you want to share the things you're proud of with them
There are more, a lot more, but this is the best I could articulate at the moment, i will add/update when I am able to organize my thoughts on the subject more...
First off he could not understand why my best friends were so important to me. He was ridiculously jealous of the way I interacted with them, and the fact that in most circumstances I would drop what I was doing to talk to, text, or hang out with them.
But the thing about this awful match is that it really helped me to figure out what it is that I do want in a man. And to his credit I will give him this, he understood that we were poorly suited for each other, but he didn't understand why or have the ability to articulate it.
He also had this notion that lovers should be best friends, but he didn't understand that there was and should be a difference between my best friend who I love like family and my best friend who I was in love with. In all honesty though, I didn't fully have a grasp on how that could be either, or what exactly it meant to have a lover be a best friend.
It wasn't until well after we broke up that and version of this could be possible.
I'm not going to go into how or who made this realization possible, but ill try to explain the best I can what exactly it means to me. And these are not ranked in any order, just listed in the order that I'm able to organize my thoughts well enough to get it out.
1) the person you are in-love with should be the person that when you get good news, or something exciting is happening, it's doesn't 100% feel real to you until you've told them about it.
2) they should be the person who knows you as close to as well as you do, and if they don't, you and they want to, and try to every day.
3) the level of comfort you feel with them is as close to how comfortable you feel when you are alone as possible, this means that when you are excited or sad, happy, angry, hungry, tired, hyper, silly, or just plan meh, you act and react to things the same way no matter if they are there or not.
4) in some degree even if it's just telling them that you are doing it with out them, you want to include them in what you are doing,
5) you don't want to keep secrets from them, nothing is too embarrassing or shameful to withhold from them, and this DOES NOT mean that you don't deserve privacy, it just means that the important things in life, you want to include the in and be as honest as possible with them
6) spending time with them is enjoyable, that simple, you have enough love and respect for them that you want to be with them, activity is not an issue, and you understand and respect them enough to either tolerate or respectfully decline when they want to do something you don't want to and vice versa, but you're never a dick about it.
7) you want to communicate with them.
8) they just make your day better, a smile, a text, a hug, a kiss, a note, the simplest interaction makes it a good day.
9) you want to share the things you're proud of with them
There are more, a lot more, but this is the best I could articulate at the moment, i will add/update when I am able to organize my thoughts on the subject more...
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