So I'm on an online dating site, and no I'm not
embarrassed by it, I like to try to talk to new people, and who knows maybe
I'll really like someone. Either way it's meant to be fun. But I have to admit
that there are something's that just drive me nuts when going through men's
profiles. Here are the things that drive me nuts about the pictures they choose
to post, hopefully at least one guy will use this as an effective guide.
(I didn't even bother to
address the public restroom mirror shot, cause lets face it, sometimes you're
out, you have to pee, and while you are washing your hands you realize
"hey! I look damn sexy tonight" and you just have to capture that! Go
for it!)
These are in no specific
order.
- No pictures where I can see your face clearly (yea personality is more important but attraction is pretty important too!)
- Specifically all your pictures are blurry (it's 2012 people, auto focus and 8mp cameras on Your fucking phone, there's no excuse at all why you can't get this shit right)
- Pictures of you with someone else's kids (aw you like kids that's great, but you kinda come off as the creepy uncle if u have a ton of pics of you with the kids)
- Pictures of you with a ton of girls (you look like a slut, or all those women look way more attractive than me and now I'm insecure)
- No pictures of you alone (awesome you have friends but am I expected to date them too.)
- All your pictures are hella old (it's great that you had awesome hair in college or played football in high school, I want to date you now though, not then)
- All your pictures are top less (did I accidentally open the magic mike website (can't wait for this reference to be ironically out dated (oh wait it already is aww)))
- You have a bunch of pictures of your "toys" (I don't post pictures of my Jimmy Choos do I? It's the equivalent)
- Every picture is from "your buddies wedding" (is this the only time you look presentable? Do you not wear pants another time? Wth?)
- You're obviously drunk in EVERY picture (I don't want to date my beer-stinking uncle Roy (I don't actually have an uncle Roy but for the sake of this I do and he's a wicked drunk))
- There are pictures of you "hitting the bong" or "toking the bowl" (yea it's important that someone has similar ...interests, but let that come up in conversation, It's just classier that way)
- You have like 24 pictures of your dog/cat/iguana and just one of you (yes women are suckers for cute animals, but we are even bigger suckers for cute/nice guys who like animals, we don't want to date you golden lab)
- Every picture is of you performing an "Xtreme" sport (we like active men yes, but don't want to constantly follow your ass up a mountain, or worry abut you while you jump off cliffs)
- There's a picture of EVERY tattoo you have (guys these are great talking points when the conversation gets dull on a date, don't take that away from us. Just let us know they are there and leave it at that)
- You pick pictures where you look like absolute shit (yea we all have bad hair/skin/face days, but let me discover that in person when you've already won me over with your sparkling personality and average good looks, then unleash the ugly, I honestly prefer that, I am more likely to not notice it that way!)
- Every picture is from vacation (oh you like to travel, and you've seen so many awesome places, that's cool, but I'm more interested where you're going to take me than where you've been, what? I'm future oriented and optimistic about our connection)
- You're making a stupid face in every picture (if your face is just stupid then I'm sorry, if it's not, then can I please see it just once?)
- Every picture is professionally done (do you have a friend who works at glamor shots? Or do you not have any reason to ever look mildly nice, or are around other people to take pictures of you?)
- Every picture is from the same night either at a party, or in front of your web cam (were you born that morning? Has there never been another time where you've had your picture taken?)
- You look pissed off in every picture (cheese!...?)
My point here guys, is
not that I'm superficial, I want to see you, the real you, at the very least
one plain, clear, serious, smiling shot where I can get a basic idea of what
I'm working with. Is that really a lot to ask?
I'm sure guys have equal
beef with ladies pictures too.
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