How many of you know
what boogers are? I'm going to assume half of you reading this say that you do.
Who knows and really who cares if you are right? I'm going to tell you what
boogers are so it doesn't much matter if you're right or not. Boogers are dust.
Yep, basically they are dust that your nose hair catches and mixes with mucus
to make little cocoons of muck. Here's the thing about buggers, you swallow a
ton a day, maybe not full size, scratching the inside of your nostril ones, but
little itty bitty micro sized boogers make their way down Into your stomach
everyday. I bet you are wondering why I am telling you this. Worry not I have a
point. It's a good point too, and it prefaces a great story.
My point is that all of you people who get all up in arms about the little kid on the playground who picks his nose and eats it, y'all shouldn't throw rock in your fancy glass houses. 'Cause your doing the same thing but without the gold rushers enthusiasm.
Ok, ok, ok I will give you that it is a little gross to watch little James Jones with the cute little French nanny, digging for a gem up there and turn around and lay that gooey finger on the swings that your little Sally-Mae is going to touch in 10 minutes, but let's be honest that's really not even your real beef with little Jimmy. You're disgusted by the joy he gets when he finds a big old nugget, fully excavates it in one piece and pops it into his mouth. Half of you are prolly feeling queasy just at the thought.
And every single one of you knew someone or knows a kid now that lives like an amateur archeologist. You're all imagining him or her with detest. Forget that kid! No longer are you going to judge him from here on out! Whenever you imagine him, he's going to have my face. Because oh yes my friend, go back more years than I would like to admit right now, I was that kid!
And that behavior all culminated into the greatest coming of age battle story ever! Let me set the scene for you: (envision the wavy, foggy screen like in flash backs from save by the bell) the year was 1988, it was winter but you could still smell change in the air, in just a few short months the iron curtain will fall and communism will lose its tight fisted grip on eastern Europe! In America in Rhode Island there is a girl, just barely 4 years old. Her mother had dressed her with care for the day and was preparing her last bit of tasks before they bundled up to dredge through the bitter cold.
The child (that me, in case you forgot, I'm the child) sat waiting for her mother in the living room near the front door. When she was finally done with her rituals the mother (my mom!) joined the child in the living room "are u ready to go kido?" she asked as she picked up the Technicolor jacket. She assisted the child putting her left arm into the jacket and spun her around 180 degrees to envelope the other arm. What the mother did not know however is that the child was not sitting ideally by in the living room, she found a prize that she was determined to claim with her thin, slightly grown out nails. She dug and dug till the token of her effort was released from its captor and nestled safely on the tip of her index finger just moments before her mother entered the room.
The child resisted the direction to slide her arm into the coat. She couldn't do it! What if her finger brushed the inside of the sleeve, then her prize would be lost forever! No! She resisted! Her mother still unaware of the recent happenings tried to coax the child's arm to bend properly to catch the sleeve.
"What are you doing?!" she ordered as her frustration rose. "Put you coat on, we have to go!" she demanded as the child began to get so excited that her little body began to shake in her mothers grasp.
He mother's frustration grew with her perplextion. "What are you doing?"
"Noo I can't!" the child yelled curling her arm towards her face while her mother grasped her at the elbow. "I want it!"
"What? What are you talking about" the mother clinched the arm tighter trying harder without hurting the child.
"I want it!" the child's shakes bordered on convolutions now, her whole body begin to shake as she exclaimed at last the full story. "I want it! I WANT IT! I WANT THAT BOOGIE!" her eyes fixed on her fingertip as it pointed towards her face. Her focus unbroken likes a meditating monk.
The mother now aware of what was transporting released her daughter’s arm and watch, as if in slow motion as the tiny hand made its way towards the child's face. At the last moment, with matrix like skills the mother, my mother! swatted my hand away as it brushed my lips. My prize ejected from my finger and flew away to somewhere unknown, lost forever.
My mother reprimanded me the way any mother would, screaming like a manic from pure disgust. Explaining how gross it was that I was doing that, and how I was going to get sick and die from eating my own boogers.
Let me digress here for just one moment, if anyone knows ANYONE who has died from eating boogers please share this story with me via: deathbyboogie@gmail.com. I would like to do some research on this person. However my mother’s efforts to get me to stop eating my boogers were futile. No, I did not stop till about a year or so later in the spring when I mistook a particularly gruesome blood blister for a booger while laying in bed one night. The pain and the gushing blood was finally enough to sully the enjoyment I got out of a quality dig/discovery. But that's a completely other story of my remarkable genius.
My point is that all of you people who get all up in arms about the little kid on the playground who picks his nose and eats it, y'all shouldn't throw rock in your fancy glass houses. 'Cause your doing the same thing but without the gold rushers enthusiasm.
Ok, ok, ok I will give you that it is a little gross to watch little James Jones with the cute little French nanny, digging for a gem up there and turn around and lay that gooey finger on the swings that your little Sally-Mae is going to touch in 10 minutes, but let's be honest that's really not even your real beef with little Jimmy. You're disgusted by the joy he gets when he finds a big old nugget, fully excavates it in one piece and pops it into his mouth. Half of you are prolly feeling queasy just at the thought.
And every single one of you knew someone or knows a kid now that lives like an amateur archeologist. You're all imagining him or her with detest. Forget that kid! No longer are you going to judge him from here on out! Whenever you imagine him, he's going to have my face. Because oh yes my friend, go back more years than I would like to admit right now, I was that kid!
And that behavior all culminated into the greatest coming of age battle story ever! Let me set the scene for you: (envision the wavy, foggy screen like in flash backs from save by the bell) the year was 1988, it was winter but you could still smell change in the air, in just a few short months the iron curtain will fall and communism will lose its tight fisted grip on eastern Europe! In America in Rhode Island there is a girl, just barely 4 years old. Her mother had dressed her with care for the day and was preparing her last bit of tasks before they bundled up to dredge through the bitter cold.
The child (that me, in case you forgot, I'm the child) sat waiting for her mother in the living room near the front door. When she was finally done with her rituals the mother (my mom!) joined the child in the living room "are u ready to go kido?" she asked as she picked up the Technicolor jacket. She assisted the child putting her left arm into the jacket and spun her around 180 degrees to envelope the other arm. What the mother did not know however is that the child was not sitting ideally by in the living room, she found a prize that she was determined to claim with her thin, slightly grown out nails. She dug and dug till the token of her effort was released from its captor and nestled safely on the tip of her index finger just moments before her mother entered the room.
The child resisted the direction to slide her arm into the coat. She couldn't do it! What if her finger brushed the inside of the sleeve, then her prize would be lost forever! No! She resisted! Her mother still unaware of the recent happenings tried to coax the child's arm to bend properly to catch the sleeve.
"What are you doing?!" she ordered as her frustration rose. "Put you coat on, we have to go!" she demanded as the child began to get so excited that her little body began to shake in her mothers grasp.
He mother's frustration grew with her perplextion. "What are you doing?"
"Noo I can't!" the child yelled curling her arm towards her face while her mother grasped her at the elbow. "I want it!"
"What? What are you talking about" the mother clinched the arm tighter trying harder without hurting the child.
"I want it!" the child's shakes bordered on convolutions now, her whole body begin to shake as she exclaimed at last the full story. "I want it! I WANT IT! I WANT THAT BOOGIE!" her eyes fixed on her fingertip as it pointed towards her face. Her focus unbroken likes a meditating monk.
The mother now aware of what was transporting released her daughter’s arm and watch, as if in slow motion as the tiny hand made its way towards the child's face. At the last moment, with matrix like skills the mother, my mother! swatted my hand away as it brushed my lips. My prize ejected from my finger and flew away to somewhere unknown, lost forever.
My mother reprimanded me the way any mother would, screaming like a manic from pure disgust. Explaining how gross it was that I was doing that, and how I was going to get sick and die from eating my own boogers.
Let me digress here for just one moment, if anyone knows ANYONE who has died from eating boogers please share this story with me via: deathbyboogie@gmail.com. I would like to do some research on this person. However my mother’s efforts to get me to stop eating my boogers were futile. No, I did not stop till about a year or so later in the spring when I mistook a particularly gruesome blood blister for a booger while laying in bed one night. The pain and the gushing blood was finally enough to sully the enjoyment I got out of a quality dig/discovery. But that's a completely other story of my remarkable genius.
Great story! I laughed out loud.
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