There are a lot of
things Kevin smith does well, most notably, make an over weight stoner seem
really sexy, and I suppose even more notable is make anyone who watches his
movies laugh their asses off. But I think the thing he does best, the thing
that makes me incredibly jealous of his wife, and every female character in his
movies, is write a scene where the leading man professes his love in a way that
makes you wonder how there could possible be a women alive who doesn't
completely melt over that shit.
He has a knack for
writing exactly the type of crap that women want to hear, whether we realize it
or not.
Every time I hear Holden
profess his love for Alyssa in the broke ass jeep in the rain on the side of
the road in shit hole New Jersey, I can't help but think, why can't I be
sitting in the rain with Ben Affleck in, yes I'm going to say it, New Jersey.
In reality I have no interest in Ben Affleck, or New Jersey, I'm not saying
there is anything wring with Ben Affleck, he's actually an attractive man, he's
just not my type, as for New Jersey, well I mean c'mon does anyone other than
the cast of the Jersey Shore want to be in New Jersey?
But every time I watch
that movie, and the words "I can't take this" cone their way from my
television set to my abnormally small ears, my heart starts to race, my eyes begin
to well and my soul begins to die, out of fear that I will never have a man
recite a monologue so loving and obsessive to me, and I will be destined to
live a life absent of pure passion and desire like that.
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